Comedian Steve Harvey has a best-selling book called "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", and is getting all sorts of hype from the likes of Oprah. I read about it on CNN and some of it is so dead-on that I just have to share... although some of it was still shady to me.
Here are some of the more interesting excerpts from his interview with Oprah, and my thoughts on the matter... since of course I'm a dating expert and you'd love to know (riiiighhhttt.)
*Man with a plan*
Every man has a plan. "Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan," he says. "We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted." When a man approaches a woman, Harvey says, he already knows what we wants from her, but he doesn't know what it will cost. "How much time do you want from me? What your standards? What are your requirements? Because we'll rise to the occasion no matter how high you set the bar if we want to," he says. "The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high.
I agree women have stopped setting the bar high... but do men really not care about our hopes, dreams, and future? Just the visual? That's normal when hitting on someone in a bar, but in the context of establishing a relationship (as this book is intended to help with), that is lame!! This basically admits they'll sacrifice the "cost" of appreciating your hopes and dreams just to bed you.
PLUS... the reason women have lowered their standards is because many guys won't stick around to meet them, because there's ALWAYS some other girl who will give away the popsicles for cheaper... always.
*The Cookie*
Though a woman might want many things from a man, Harvey says men only need three things: support, loyalty and sex. Or as Harvey calls it, "the cookie." "We've got to have your support. Whatever adventure we're out on, whatever pursuit in life, we need your support. Then we need your loyalty. That's your love. We've got to know that you belong to us," he says. "And we've got to have a cookie. Everybody likes cookies. That's the thing about a cookie. I like oatmeal raisin...but if you've got vanilla cream, I'll eat that too."
I'd like to think that men look for more than those 3 things in a wife... but who knows, maybe he's right.
*Gone fishin'*
Harvey says men are like fishermen -- but women are actually the ones looking for a good catch. You won't be able to find one, though, until you up your standards. "You've got sports fishermen, and you've got guys out there fishing to eat. You've got guys that are fishing to keep the fish, and you've got guys that are fishing to catch them, unhook them and throw them back," Harvey says. "You've got to determine along the way which one of the fish you're going to be."
Without ironclad standards, Harvey says you'll always end up back in the dating pool. "You've got to quit lowering your standards," he says. "Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business."
And don't let the man set the pace of the relationship -- Harvey says it's always the woman who has total control. "With all that power, why do you suddenly relinquish this power just because you want a guy to accept you? That's stupid," he says. "Say: 'Look, if you want to be with me, this is what you got to do. This is what it takes to get to me.'"
*When should you sleep with your new boyfriend?*
As an auto plant worker, Harvey says he had to wait 90 days to receive benefits -- and says the same probation period should apply to dating. "In 90 days they checked me out. They determined if I was easy to work with, if I got along well with others, if I showed up when I said I was going to show up, if I was worthy."
Women, Harvey says, hold the greatest benefit of all -- the cookie -- so there's no reason to give it away until you know your man deserves it. "Slow down, ladies," Harvey says. "Look, you cannot run us off."
So what if you don't want to wait 90 days? Harvey says if you change the probation period, you do so at your own risk. "You all keep changing the rules. And men are aware of the fact that you are changing the rules. We're aware of the fact that you act desperate. We're aware of the fact that you think there's a shortage of good men out there," he says.
"We play on all of that. ... We created the term 'gold digger' so you won't ask us for nothing. We created the term 'nagging' so you can quit badgering us. These are terms that we created so you can require less of us."
My FAVORITE part is right there in pink. It's SO TRUE!!!!
*Turn off the text*
Social networking Web sites and text messages can be a great way to keep in touch with friends, but Harvey says it's not the best way to date. "You have nothing if you're texting a guy in a relationship," he says. "We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push 'reply all.' I mean, since we're lying, we might as well lie to everybody."
If you want the relationship to be more, take it face-to-face. "Women talk about [how] chivalry's dead. Chivalry's not dead -- it's just not required anymore," he says. "You've got to get a guy in your face. Look in his eyes. ... God has given you all this incredible thing called intuition. You've got to use that."
*Safety first*
You know you've got a keeper when your man wants to make sure you're always safe, Harvey says. Every man wants to protect his woman, and Harvey says this instinct kicks in when his wife, Marjorie, scuba dives. "I can't go home without her. We've got seven kids between us," Harvey says. "They need their mother. I'm not a good mother at all."
I kind of disagree with this one... I know a lot of "protective" boyfriends who are still totally shitty. Guys like to feel manly and possessive so I'm not sure that's an indication of how great a guy he is. But that's just my 2 cents :)
You can find the whole article here!
What a sad day. First Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson, kick the bucket. I know millions of people all over the world die every day, under tragic circumstances, and I know we have not necessarily lost amazing role models (the latter in particular), so I feel a little silly contributing to the disproportiante despondence over these people. BUT it is equally silly to deny the huge impact that they've had on our culture, especially Michael Jackson. Sad end, to a sad life.
